Yesterday when I began to leave we noticed it was raining. Michele insisted I take Garrett’s Cedar Park Timberwolves umbrella and boy, it is a nice big golf umbrella at that. She opens it up, I kiss her goodbye and off I go. As soon as I leave the covered porch the rain drops hit the umbrella. I can hear them so clearly, almost as though they are falling one by one. The sound as the drops hit tenderly reminded me of tears falling, tears of a mother, a father, siblings, family, friends, church, and a community that now grieve the passing of a sweet boy, a young man Garrett.
Choking back my tears I think how many tears God cries over the pain, suffering and loss of His children. I don’t know if God really cries but scripture tells us He captures every tear that we cry.
“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (MSG)
It is the most unnatural thing for a parent to lose a child. Unimaginable for me. The closest I can possibly try to comprehend is from painfully watching my close friends Michelle, Tracy and Michele grieve deeply over the loss of their children. Whether anticipated or completely unexpected I can never presume to know or understand the will of God. It is for certain our Savior Jesus knows our pain. He loved deeply and wept for those he loved. We find one example in the book of John.
“Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” John 11:34-36
You see, to give you a little back story, Lazarus was best friends with Jesus. Martha and Mary all but had Jesus’s cell phone. Jesus was but a few miles away and could have made it in time. So why did He wait FOUR days after Lazarus passed away to come? Why didn’t He miraculously protect Sydney from the second car wreck, why didn’t He miraculously align every cell, restore and heal Kylie Rae, why didn’t He perform yet another miracle healing from cancer in Garrett, after all God healed him from so much already? We will never have the answers to our “why” on this side of heaven.
God is Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient. Intentionally and lovingly God chose each path for these children with love and great care and in the very best interest and protection.
It is not for me to question my King and Savior. Going against all human nature I will try to not question His power, His will, His authority, His sovereignty. I will absolutely honor Him and praise Him through the lives of my friends and their sweet children. He knows His glory and the reasons for His decision. I choose to trust the One who formed us, who chose us, who took the care and time and numbered every hair on our heads.
“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered …” Luke 12:7 NIV
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27 NIV
I believe these beautiful children heard His voice and followed their Heavenly Father home to safely rest in Eternity with Him. As for those of us who remain, I passionately pray for those who are grieving greatly over the loss of their loved one(s). Through my own grief I have learned that grief is timeless and it never goes away. It is a part of you forever. It may change forms and intensity throughout our lives but since we loved so deeply we will grieve. In and through our grief God gives us this promise
” For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Our God is an awesome God who sent His one and only son to die an excruciatingly painful, demoralizing and public death. He created the only way that we could have a second and final chance at eternity, to live forever with Him. Choose to believe in and follow Him. Choose His commandments and His ways. What greater love is the love of our Father who lays down His own life, Jesus, for the life of His children. He is an awesome and loving God. I give Him all the power, honor and praise that He so richly deserves. Even and especially through our pain we can know His love for us is the greatest gift of all.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
In His love,
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