Your will not mine be done.
Through this journey and season of breast cancer I told God, “This is your body, do with it what you will.” Today more than ever I lay myself at His feet and say those words again, not to remind Him but to remind me. I am His and what He chooses to give me is a perfect gift. None of this is about me. All circumstances and miracles are for His glory. I am only called to walk through it. Use me Lord for Your glory. Thank You Lord for sending Jesus and thank You Lord for using me.
I already have the ingredients, if you will, for yet another miracle.
One serious infection
Two foreign bodies necessary for reconstruction
One sold out heart for Christ
Jesus has every ability and authority to have completely healed me by now. He can heal me anyway He wants and at any appointed time. It is not for me to ask “How come or why not now?” I can only trust that I am not prepared or ready for my now or that the unknown events play a critical and necessary role for others and for His glory. He has a better purpose and a better plan for His great reveal. I can only presume all the pieces and players are not in their designated place in order to carry it out to His intentional and perfect will.
The miracle is in the breaking:
Through this infection I have had the most difficult time thus far. Constant pain, sleepless nights, slow healing, lethargic, weeks of high powered antibiotics, one week in the hospital, the fear of the unknown, lack of control, etc. These circumstances have worn me down emotionally, spiritually and almost completely stopped me physically. Day after day I began to see the difficulties first before His provision. This is not like me. I could only see all that was wrong and lacking in my circumstances before my thanksgiving in, by and through them. How quickly I had lost sight of praising Him and thanking Him in ALL things. I was truly broken.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 (NLT)
I felt like Peter when he crawled out of the boat and began walking on water. This infection caused me to look down at my feet and my circumstances, and doubt rather than to keep my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus.
Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed. Matthew 14:22-33 (NLT)
Family, friends and even strangers, it is by your obedience and prayers, and my heart for Jesus that I woke today in a renewed spirit and a spirit of thankfulness and gratitude. I did not get here on my own. Each one of you who have prayed for me, thought of me, reached out to me and especially prayed over me play a very important part in my life. I do believe God put me on your heart, and in your path in my deepest time of need. You may not have known it or maybe even given it that much thought but He did that for you and He did that for me. I am eternally grateful for ALL He has called to join me directly and indirectly through this journey. God truly does feed the multitudes in the breaking.
Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit; do not despise prophetic utterances. But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-20 (NASB)
With my every breath I am called to be in submission to Him and remain under His authority so He can work His perfect plan of healing, restoration and reconstruction through me.
Jesus has worked numerous miracles in this journey through breast cancer. Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for His mercy, love and favor over all He has done and continues to do. To recap a few of His large and mighty miracles; my diagnosis was the most common type of bc, I caught it early, 1.3cm, not in lymph nodes, stage 1, surgery resulting in clear margins and now for the top two – NO chemo and NO radiation! Humbled, blessed and eternally grateful for His mercy of these miracles and so many more. He just performed these miracles in my body and yet one infection can create the “strong wind and the waves” terrifying me that I, like Peter began to sink and shout, “Save me, Lord!”. Well, it did.
I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation. Psalm 118:21 (NIV)
One would think I should stop right there in that my miracle requests are all used up. “You’ve used yours Missy and borrowed a few others receiving all the miracles you are due up to now.” “Don’t be greedy little Missy.”, “Get to the back of the line.” “Move over, it’s someone else’s turn.” Our God is not a god of quotas, limits, or earned rewards. He doesn’t have a tally sheet or accounting ledger on what is due to us. He is our Father, our daddy, our parent and our guardian. He feels and does what is best for His children no matter of worth or if we are deserving. And thank You God for that!
From Genesis to Revelation God performs miracles. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)
I am asking Him for yet another miracle that this infection dries up never to return and that my reconstruction is not delayed. I do not know when He will choose to perform it nor do I know how He is going to do it or who He will use in the process. The one thing I do know is our God is able and I trust that He will. How do I know? Because the miracle healings of Jesus are recorded and it is truth. Join me in reviewing just a few recorded in the bible.
Woman with the issue of blood
Matthew 9:20-22; Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48
Jesus healing the sick
Jesus Heals a Paralyzed Man
Jesus Heals Ten Men With Leprosy
Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind
Jesus Raises Lazarus from the dead
As I move forward each day I will not lose sight of the eternal truth that while Jesus was crucified and died on Golgotha He got off that cross, He defeated Hell, He defeated the grave and His Spirit lives in you and me.
While I live between His miracles I will embrace that the miracles are possible only through my broken pieces. He has and will continue to use them and me for His glory. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NIV)
Image source: fotosearch